People who count their chickens before they hatch act
very wisely because chickens run about so absurdly
that it’s impossible to count them accurately.
-Oscar Wilde
More Cape Cod residents are starting their own chicken flocks in response to the price of eggs and the encouragement of Brooke Rollins, U.S. Secretary of Agriculture, ”It’s a silver lining”. In the Boston area you can pay $600 to Rent-The-Chicken for 2 hens for 6 months, a coop, some food, and lots of advice on a help line. You can return the birds later if not happy, or resubscribe for another season ( recommended if you have already named them, since most people choose not to eat chickens they have named). ”Free ranging” is not recommended because studies show that domestic chickens appear to get the bird flu from wild birds.
Is the next pandemic flying into town? Bird Flu, aka Avian Flu (H5N1), certainly sounds like it could fly. It is being given credit for the sky-high price of eggs, whether it deserves it or not. Bird handlers are getting sick from direct contact with birds (both alive and dead birds, that is). It is not transmitted from human to human nor by eggs, IF the eggs are cleaned and stored properly (as shown in the Rent-The-Chicken video tutorials). Concern about potential mutations of the H5N1 bird flu (it’s just THAT close to the H3N2 or H1N2 human flu strains of 2009 & 2012) has led to a fear of a potential pandemic.
A flu vaccine for chickens does exist, but I have no idea how one inoculates a chicken, much less thousands of them. The huge number of chickens at risk is part of the problem since existing chicken vaccine is scarce. RFK, Jr. has already endorsed herd immunity which is “to let it run through the flock so that we can identify the birds, and preserve the birds that are immune to it.” (3/20/2025) The Atlantic article goes on, “This could involve millions of birds dying slower, more horrible deaths. This would not be the recommendation of most scientists, because it would only give the virus that causes bird flu more opportunities to evolve, which it’s already doing at what experts see as an alarming rate”. One large chicken farm has already lost 5 million chickens to the virus. Where is Mr. Perdue when we need him? Recruiting veterinarians to terminate flocks of chickens has proved difficult due to their well-known empathy for lesser beings and the low number of “chicken vets” (a real term).
Last spring it was detected in dairy cattle for the first time; some called it the “cow tipping point”. Cows are getting infected and dying, and the virus has shown up in their raw milk. Pasteurization kills it. Last week the U.K. reported it in sheep in one county. A veterinarian and a probation officer in that county are especially concerned about the potential spread to a human in that isolated, lonely, rural area. Germany has just reported bird flu in pigs (remember “swine flu”). The inflationary pressure of the spread of bird flu to other species concerns some economists. If Waffle House is charging a 50 cent surcharge per egg, how much will Ruth’s Steak House surcharge for a 18 ounce steak?
We do know that it didn’t come from China, but there are some rumors about Canadian geese. President Trump dismissed the viral video of a bald eagle backing down from an angry Canadian goose as fake news, “That would never happen in real life, and certainly not in our wonderful country of America.” Mexican food truck tacos have been ruled out so far as a source by whoever is left at the CDC. The only probable connection with China is the fear that if the chicken scarcity worsens New York city Chinese restaurants might have to go back to pigeon meat.
The search for a leader of the National Avian Flu Prevention in America Project (NAFPAP) is underway by this administration. Fauci is unavailable as he is busy selling his memoir and defending himself against a recently published retrospective view of the COVID pandemic: “In Covid’s Wake: How Our Politics Failed Us” that faults both sides for not tempering scientific expertise with reality politics. Darren Bossie, a former manager of “Total Wine and More” liquor store, was under serious consideration as the Bird Flu Czar until the White House appointed him liaison to Musk’s dismantling of NASA.
Speaking of Musk, DOGE is considering deportation of all suspect chickens to Rhode Island so that the famous Rhode Island Reds can dominate the pecking order.
HAPPY APRIL FOOLS DAY
PS: Some of the content above is actually true. I’ll let you decide which. “You can’t make this stuff up!”
HUB's LIST of medical fun facts 